The Journal of Merlin
by fariedragon
Summary: This is what I imagine Merlin would write in his journal. I named his journal Freya in memory of his love Freya. I do not own BBC Merlin nor any Arthur legends. Slight Cannon Deviance Lancelot, Gwaine, and Arthur live.
1. Chapter 1

**This is what I imagine Merlin would write in his journal. I named his journal Fraya in memory of his love Fraya. I do not own BBC merlin nor any Arthur legends.**

_It is against the laws of Camelot to have magic but what do you do if you are born with it? Do you honor the law and not use the gift? Or do you turn yourself in? These questions plagued me for years never able to trust anyone and the ones i did trust died. I was a small and frail as a child, gangly and inept as a teen, mouthy and sassy as a young man now he is a fierce ally to Camelot. How did the boy live? _

_I grew up in the small village of Ealdor to the north of Camelot in Cenred's kingdom. I met my father Balinor once right before he died. Raised by my mother Hunith I learned about love and trust. When I came the age to apprentice I went to live with Gaius. Now I live in fear day in and day out; I fear that my magic will be discovered and both Gaius and I will be killed. I saved Prince Arthur's life more times then I care to count using yet Arthur believes magic is evil. Magic is neither good nor evil, it simply exists it is a tool to be used just as a sword is to be used. Why do people fear magic?_

_My gift was revealed to Lancelot first of the knights to find out. Lancelot respects me and protects me from harm. He does not fear me as some would. Gwaine found out next he laughed and called me a lucky blighter. Lucky? No, it is not luck that guides me but the trust of my friends. If Arthur was to find out I don't know what would happen. Would he turn on me? Would he kill me? Sir Leon a friend and second in command to Arthur soon approached me about my talent. He did not say much but thanked me and said because of my loyalty to Arthur my secret was safe but if ever I turned against Camelot and her King he would kill me personally. Soon after Sirs Elyon and Percival found out. I had been poisoned and my magic got away from me. Elyon went flying after trying to feed me the antidote. He landed in a tree about 20 feet away. I woke up to Percival and Elyon talking about what happened. I explained how sometime my magic can act without me knowing in self-defense. They said that they guessed I had some sort of gift because of the random tree branches that would fall on any unsuspecting bandits during a fight. _

_Then Arthur found out. He locked me in the dungeon for a few days till he cooled off. He then let me explain in front of the Knights of the Round Table my closest friends. He asked if anyone knew they all replied yes. He then surprised us all and gave me a pardon and is now working on changing the laws of Camelot and repealing the ban on magic. The ban has lasted for 25 years so the overturn of it has been slow. More and more magic users are coming out in the open. I never knew so many lived in the city. Well I should get going I hear Arthur yelling for me to hurry up. _

_Good Night Fraya._


	2. Chapter 2

**This entry was written shortly after Balinor's and Freya's deaths. These entries will not be posted in chronological order but in the order they are "told" to me.**

_This book was given to me by my father, Balinor; he bought it in the last town we traveled though before he died. It was the second and last gift I was to ever receive from my father. I have a lock in the shape of a dragon on it with a dragon's claw as the key. Brown leather engraved with words of the old religion "Draca Sunu" or Dragon's Son. _

_If magic ever becomes legal I will give this book to my apprentice. That is if I ever get one. As it is I use this gift for writing my memories and creating spells. All Warlocks need a grimore and this is mine. _

_Father, why? Why did you step in front of me? Why did you leave Ealdor? Why? _

_Freya you meant so much to me. Yet you were killed at the hands of Arthur. I feel like am cursed to live my life alone and lost forever. I cannot share these feelings with Gaius for he endures enough already. What am I to do? I need to confide in someone or something. If Arthur ever found this book it would be grounds for execution. I have so many people counting on me to fulfill a destiny that I do not want. Protect the Once and Future King, return magic to the land, tame the last of the dragons, prevent Mordred from killing Arthur, and the list goes on. How am I a boy of 19 summers supposed to do all of this? I feel as if the world is caving in around me and all I can do is hope I do get crushed. I wonder what Qwaine would say if I told him? Leon? Whoever I told would most likely end up banished, tortured, or worse killed. My friends mean too much for me to put them at that risk. I refuse to tell them for their own sake as well as mine. Freya what do I do. As I write this by the lake, watching the waves ripple across the rocks my thoughts turn to you. Your bravery and courage are my rock. I will be brave just as you were brave and face my fears as you faced yours. Freya, my love, guide me in my quest. Help me restore … (Tears silently mare the page.) magic to the land. Freya …..I cannot write more for my hand shakes at the memory of you. My love Freya. May your soul find peace where it could not in life. _


	3. Chapter 3

_**Mountain Rose Herbs did the Tea blend. Read their website before ever using the tea. I am changing to first and third person views in this and would love feed back. My goal is to show you Merlin's Journal and flashbacks. Did it work or do I need to improve my transitions. Read and respond. Thank you for your support.**_

_The patrol started like any other: rough housing with the Percival and Elyan, sword work with Leon, teasing Arthur, and talking with Lancelot and Gwaine. That night a storm came the wind picked up and the fire dimmed; all I had was a worn blanket and no cloak having used it for shelter against the rain. I slept fitfully that night. Shortly after dawn Arthur ordered to break camp. I tried to stand normally; but my head started pounding and the world spun at dizzying speeds. I took two faltering steps and promptly collapsed. Next thing I knew I had four worried knights and a prince looking down at me. "What is wrong Merlin " Their voices echoed in my skull. "I'm fine." I coughed. I tried again to stand shivering with effort I succeeded. "Merlin, mate you look like death. Stop with the lies and tell us what is wrong." Gwaine commanded. _

"_So coold." The words barely making it past my chattering teeth _

"_ARTHUR!" Leon shouts to get Arthur's attention. "It's Merlin. He has a fever." _

"_Merlin, stop trying to get up. You are just going to fall again." Lance says pushing me down again. _

"_We need to get your fever down. Did Gaius give you a medicine kit? Where is it?"_

"_Bag… Yarrow… tea. " I windily breathe out. Coughing racked my small frame. Breathing became almost impossible. _

"_Lance get these out of the kit make a tea." _

_**1/2 teaspoon Yarrow flowers (Achillea millefolium)**_

_**- 1/2 teaspoon Elder flowers (Sambucus canadensis)**_

_**- 1/2 teaspoon Peppermint leaves**_

_**- 1/2 teaspoon Echinacea root**_

_**- 1/2 teaspoon Schisandra berries**_

_**- 3 cups boiling water**_

_** the herbs in a teapot and pour the boiling water over them. Steep for at least 20 minutes.**_

"_Merlin. Merlin common open your eyes." Arthur softly coxed. "We will camp here for another night and head back in the morning. Percival please stay here with Lancelot; Gwaine you keep the fire burning. We need to get him dried off and out of the weather."_

"_Sire he can have my tent." Leon volunteered. _

"_Use my cloak." Elyan says wrapping the dry cloth around the boy. _

"_Here is a shirt and hope these fit him" Percival handed me a shirt as Elyan gave his spare pair of pants. The pants were a little long but comfortable and dry, the shirt was huge but of fine quality. _

_My friends were there for me while I was ill. I never got ill till the day the Dorocha attacked me and I survived. Now I have to be extremely careful or else Lancelot tells Perceval who tells Elyan who tells Qwaine who tells Arthur who chews me out after telling Gaius who gives me another lecture. _

_Man I so my life some days. Especially the days when the weather gets cold and I feel the Dorocha's touch. These are the days when Lancelot and Gwaine take me to the tavern for a nice mulled wine or cider and then camp out in my room. _

_Good Night Freya. _


	4. Author's Note

Sorry I have not updated in a while my muse for this diary has quieted for a time. Now the Obnoxious Gwaine has entered my mind and well I may have started his diary. So I am switching to the knights' diaries and Arthur's Journal. Hope you enjoy the rest of my stories. Have any ideas or plot bunnies let me know.


End file.
